Emotional roller coaster

I went to church today, and it was really really hard. I don't think I was ready to interact that intensely with people. During the sermon I was all over the place, I had a really hard time caring what the pastor had to say (and he's a great pastor, this isn't a swipe at him nor his preaching).

A few people didn't realize we had miscarried and came up to me to offer congratulations. Yeah, awkward and difficult. I know they meant well but it sucked anyway.

Someone else who lost a baby told me a couple days ago: "When people say the wrong thing to you - and they will - remember that they desperately wanted to say the right thing." That was really good advice, and I had to remember it today. I have to remember that not everyone went to nursing school and learned the 'therapeutic communication' thing, and everybody hasn't read the list of 'what not to say'. I heard ALL the wrong things today.

"It wasn't meant to be." Yes, I know that, but right now I don't want to hear it, because I still have to wake up every morning and remind myself that I'm not pregnant anymore. I know it wasn't meant this way, but it felt like such a devaluation of Katie, and of the pain I'm feeling right now.

"Oh, you're young, you can have more." As if this one doesn't count. As if having another one will magically erase the loss of this one. As if another one is a guarantee. Yes, I'd like another one, but what about this one? This one was special too, and still is.

"How far along were you? Oh, less than six weeks? Oh, well, so you were early." Yes, and? You think I hadn't already bonded with this baby? You think I just bled and went on with my life? Come on.

Like I've already said, most people have been wonderful. The above hasn't been the majority of people, and even these people (as mentioned before) weren't intending to hurt. I know that. And I don't expect everyone to know what to do or say...which is why I'm getting it out here in a relatively safe anonymous place instead of being mad to their face when I know they were just doing/saying what they thought was best.

Ugh. This sucks a big one.