Last night we buried whatever we could find of the pieces of membrane/sac/tissue I passed. When I saw them come out Tuesday, I just couldn't bring myself to flush them down the toilet. I just couldn't. So I wrapped them in toilet paper. And last night we buried them.
I wasn't sure if my husband would be okay with it, or if he'd think it was stupid. I told him where I was going and went to get a shovel. I was standing out in the backyard trying to find a good spot to bury her (I am calling this one a 'she'), and shortly afterward, he joined me. That was the first time I had really cried hard in front of him, and we just stood there for a minute and held each other. He picked a good spot (which was, incidentally the spot I had been leaning toward), and started digging. At that point our son joined us out there. After my husband finished digging (not a huge hole, it's not like there was a lot to bury), our son put what was left of his baby sister (or brother, as he reminds me) in it, and we all put a handful of dirt over her. Her daddy covered her back up and replaced the mulch over the spot. She's buried beside the maple tree in our backyard.
We all stood there for a minute, nobody really saying anything, just holding on to each other, and I guess that's how we said goodbye. Hubs went back in the house, and my son and I stayed out there for a bit. I couldn't leave her just yet, and I guess neither could he. Then my son did something so completely spontaneous and heartfelt it made me let loose with a whole new flood of tears, and at the same time, comforted my heart in a way I can't articulate here. He went and got a handful of sand from his sandbox and spread it over the mulch - contributing something that's 'his' to his baby sister. Afterward, he picked several flowers - one of each color that we have in that particular flowerbed - and put them over top. Oh God, it was the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
My husband didn't feel the need to pick a name for the lost baby, but I asked him if he minded if I did. He didn't mind, so I named her. Her name is Katherine Jane, Katie for short. I don't know why, but both those names came to me and wouldn't leave. A friend of mine from work is going to bring me her stepping stone kit so we can make her resting place a bit more permanent.
Goodbye.
I wasn't sure if my husband would be okay with it, or if he'd think it was stupid. I told him where I was going and went to get a shovel. I was standing out in the backyard trying to find a good spot to bury her (I am calling this one a 'she'), and shortly afterward, he joined me. That was the first time I had really cried hard in front of him, and we just stood there for a minute and held each other. He picked a good spot (which was, incidentally the spot I had been leaning toward), and started digging. At that point our son joined us out there. After my husband finished digging (not a huge hole, it's not like there was a lot to bury), our son put what was left of his baby sister (or brother, as he reminds me) in it, and we all put a handful of dirt over her. Her daddy covered her back up and replaced the mulch over the spot. She's buried beside the maple tree in our backyard.
We all stood there for a minute, nobody really saying anything, just holding on to each other, and I guess that's how we said goodbye. Hubs went back in the house, and my son and I stayed out there for a bit. I couldn't leave her just yet, and I guess neither could he. Then my son did something so completely spontaneous and heartfelt it made me let loose with a whole new flood of tears, and at the same time, comforted my heart in a way I can't articulate here. He went and got a handful of sand from his sandbox and spread it over the mulch - contributing something that's 'his' to his baby sister. Afterward, he picked several flowers - one of each color that we have in that particular flowerbed - and put them over top. Oh God, it was the sweetest thing I've ever seen.
My husband didn't feel the need to pick a name for the lost baby, but I asked him if he minded if I did. He didn't mind, so I named her. Her name is Katherine Jane, Katie for short. I don't know why, but both those names came to me and wouldn't leave. A friend of mine from work is going to bring me her stepping stone kit so we can make her resting place a bit more permanent.
Goodbye.
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