My husband has a custom of telling our son that he is a regalo precioso que me dio Jesus (precious gift that Jesus gave me). So today Hubs is being silly and says, "You're my precious gift that Mrs. R (our neighbor) gave me." Daniel: "Uh, I don't think so." Hubs: "So who gave you to us?" Daniel: "Uh, I believe it was that guy up in the sky."

Bad girl

I broke that promise that I made to myself just two short posts ago. I bought books. But I'm justifying it because they're books that I think will help shape my ever-growing lean toward nonviolence as a way of life.

A book on the politics of Jesus and a few of Gandhi's writings. Anxious to see what they say. I think it takes far more courage and creativity to meet violence with nonviolence.

My young'un prays the sweetest prayers. Tonight's gem:
"Dear Jesus, before we do anything else tonight, I want to pray for the people in Haiti because there are a lot of sick and dying and hurt people down there. Watch over them. And thank you that I was able to be a good boy today. I got to be at home with my mom and dad.....Amen."

I love to hear what's on his heart. It's absolutely precious beyond words.

Random, scattered thoughts...

For starters, check out the Livesays' blog. Interesting synopsis of what things are like for them on the ground in Port-au-Prince. Pa bliye yo, souple.

Another interesting look at Haiti's history, politics, and what our response should be is here. Of course, it's not exhaustive - that would take volumes and volumes - but it's a good quick overview. (Warning: if you don't like hearing America and other Christians being taken to task for their actions, supposedly in the name of Christ, you probably shouldn't read it.)

I was up 'til almost 1:30 this morning reading 'The Serpent and the Rainbow' - oh my goodness, very interesting book. I'm about a third of the way through it and it is so very fascinating, if a bit disturbing in places.

Now I'm really trying to motivate and get my lazy butt to the gym. I need to get the wee one signed up too....he is chomping at the bit to do karate next month.

Currently reading....

The Serpent and the Rainbow: A Harvard Scientist's Astonishing Journey into the Secret Societies of Haitian Voodoo, Zombis, and Magic by Wade Davis

I ordered this a few weeks ago at the recommendation of my friend Debbie, a missionary on the ground in Haiti. It arrived the day before the earthquake, and in light of Pat Robertson's comments it seemed fitting to start reading this. (Side comment: Pat Robertson, when will you learn to shut up????)

While I don't believe in Vodou (the Haitian Creole word for it), there's no doubt it's got a profound impact on Haitian society in general. I learned a little bit about it while I was down there all those years ago but the little I learned was less than a scratch on the surface. Obviously, my belief is that Vodou is an empty substitute for a relationship with the one true God, but it the reputation it has here in the US of black magic and sacrificing babies is not accurate either.

On an unrelated note, I am making a pact with myself to not buy nor check out any more books from the library until the 24 (including the one mentioned here) as-yet-unread books currently sitting on my shelf have been finished. I may not be able to hold myself to this but I'm going to make a concerted effort. I already have half a dozen on my to-read list AFTER that so hopefully that will serve as an impetus to get readin'.

On Jordan's Stormy Banks I Stand....

...and cast a wishful sigh
To Canaan's fair and happy land
Where my possessions lie.
*****
No chilling winds or voiceless breath
Shall reach that healthful shore
Where sickness, sorrow, pain, and death
Are felt and feared no more.

Heartsick

I'm not really even sure what to say, other than my heart breaks and keeps breaking every time someone mentions Haiti, or yet another news broadcast reminds me, and every time I go in my own brain to that place.

To think of so many children without mothers, so many mothers without children, so many husbands without wives, so much of.... everybody with nothing. I truly cannot wrap my head around it. I remember feeling this way about the tsunami of 2004 but since I didn't know anyone from there (at the time, anyway, now I do), I could kind of compartmentalize. Almost like God's saying, 'Not this time, sister, you don't get off that easily. I'm going to bring suffering right to your brain's front door, so you have no choice but to think about it, and no choice but to act.'

I feel whiny for feeling so heartbroken myself, when I am blogging from the comfort of my own heated/air-conditioned house with clean running water and no mosquitoes. Nobody lies under rubble across the street from me calling out for help, nor am I missing any relatives, nor have I waited all night for someone to tend to mine or my baby's wounds.

I've no doubt that God purposes something from this...but do I know just what the hell it is right now? No. I just do not get at all why this happened at all.

Pray for Haiti

My heart hurts for Haiti in a way I can't really articulate right now. I went there as an 18-year-old "I'm going to teach and help and save the world" and came back with my own worldview rocked. Forever changed. Haiti is so naturally beautiful (though deforested and destroyed by a few greedy humans), with beautiful gracious warm people, who have every human reason to NOT be gracious and warm, yet they are. It defied all description then, and it still does now.

I remember getting there, and our airport was literally a strip of dirt with chickens running around, and a few chairs with a tin roof over top. I remember never being sure of someone's age - because a 21-year old may look 15 because he is so malnourished, or a 21-year-old may look 40, because life is SO incredibly difficult there. I remember the first night we were there we passed a funeral procession and it shocked me how normal death was there - we take for granted our 75-year lifespan. I remember one little boy (not much older than my own son is now) in particular - who, when asked if he was happy - responded, "Yes. I have clothes, I have one meal a day, and I have God." I remember the absolute sincerity of the Christians in Haiti - praying the Lord's Prayer took on a whole new meaning, because these people DO literally depend on provision for their daily bread. There were lots of people who weren't Christians there, but I never met a Christian that wasn't absolutely, 100%, sold-out for Jesus. None of this lukewarm nonsense that we have here. I remember when we left, as the plane was taking off, looking back at the mountains and beaches and the land, and sobbing my eyes out because I didn't want to leave. (That in spite of the many tarantulas everywhere, and the rat that crawled into my bed one night. That was a long night.) It was a lot for an 18-year-old to process, and thinking about it again is a lot for a 30-year-old to reprocess.

Hearing about the earthquakes there has brought all these memories (and more) of Haiti flooding back, and having seen for myself the near-total lack of infrastructure, I can only imagine what the devastation levels are. These are people who literally have nothing. Not money, not food, not shelter....NOTHING. And now, they have less than nothing.

If you can spare any money at all, this is a plea for help for that country. We're going to donate to the ministry I went there with all those years ago, who will be sending people to the worst-hit area to help, but there are numerous other organizations (the Red Cross, Rotary International) that are helping also.

The Livesays are also on the ground there and the fear and pain in their posts is palpable.

If you pray, please pray. And whether you do or don't pray, please consider helping Haiti out. Truly incredible how far a dollar will go there. Thanks.

I found this group and really admire their courage, dedication, and their nonviolent commitment to stand up for justice. I'm considering supporting them, because I believe in nonviolence, because humane immigration reform is long overdue, and because it's families like ours that are caught in the crossfire.

If I get going on the immigration subject I won't likely stop this week, so I'll leave it at this.

New toy!

We've finally gotten a new digital camera (thanks to the after-Christmas sales @ Best Buy), and for Christmas I got both of us (Hubs and I) an iPod nano. It will come in handy while I'm on the treadmill/elliptical at the Y and I think Hubs will like it when lawncare season rolls around again.

The one thing I don't like about his slow season is that I have to pick up more shifts at the hospital. I try to be there as little as possible and that kind of throws a wrench in things. I really should not be whining because I work 24 hours a week as it is, and this would probably only amount to a couple extra shifts a month. I just don't like driving there and back, and in any case I'd much rather be at home!

Resolutions

I am not making them, because then my guilty conscience bugs me for not following through on them. But I do have some 'good ideas' that I will try to implement for 2010:

• implement a regular exercise routine at the Y.
• sign my kid up at the Y as well so we can exercise together. Karate lessons, anyone?
• Write at least a couple letters a month to my loved ones that are out of state, including the two little girls I'm sponsoring through Christian Children's Fund (they are actually under a different name now but I can't remember it).
• Do at least one or two things each week to keep this house in some semblance of order.

As you can see, these expectations are REALLY low. I don't set my goals high, people.

Book review

I finished reading Citizen Soldiers last night to ring in the new year. Just as good a way as any for me....not standing outside to watch ANYTHING drop all the while freezing my kiester off, no sirree!

Overall I give the book an A. It's good and once you get into it, fairly easy to read. The first hundred pages or so are a bit dry and boring (for me anyway). It was difficult for me to keep tabs in my mind on who is where at which point in the story. If you're a good mapreader (I am not) it might not be so difficult, as there are plenty of maps.

After that, the author goes on to tell the soldiers' stories, which is the reason I bought the book to begin with. It is amazing the similarities between the GIs' accounts and those of the German soldiers, which goes to reinforce my belief that on both sides of any war are just human beings.

Some memorable quotes:
[during a shelling] "We were helpless...and all alone and there was nothing we could do, so I prayed to God. The time went by very slow as I tried to keep warm but that wasn't possible so I thought about my mother and hoped she didn't know where I was or what I was doing. I was glad I was not married."

[after watching a particularly gruesome death] "He wasn't twenty years old. He hadn't begun to live. Shrieking and moaning he gave up his life on a stretcher. Back in America, the standard of living continued to rise. Back in America the race tracks were booming the night clubs were making record profits, Miami Beach was so crowded you couldn't get a room anywhere. Few people seemed to care. Hell, this was a boom, this was prosperity, this was the way to fight a war. We wondered if the people would ever know what it cost the soldiers in terror, bloodshed, and hideous, agonizing deaths to win the war."

[after meeting German civilians in Germany] ""The enemy could not have changed so quickly from a beast to a likable human being. Thus, the conclusion is nearly forced upon the GIs that they have been previously blinded by fear and hatred and the propaganda of their own government."