Heartsick

I'm not really even sure what to say, other than my heart breaks and keeps breaking every time someone mentions Haiti, or yet another news broadcast reminds me, and every time I go in my own brain to that place.

To think of so many children without mothers, so many mothers without children, so many husbands without wives, so much of.... everybody with nothing. I truly cannot wrap my head around it. I remember feeling this way about the tsunami of 2004 but since I didn't know anyone from there (at the time, anyway, now I do), I could kind of compartmentalize. Almost like God's saying, 'Not this time, sister, you don't get off that easily. I'm going to bring suffering right to your brain's front door, so you have no choice but to think about it, and no choice but to act.'

I feel whiny for feeling so heartbroken myself, when I am blogging from the comfort of my own heated/air-conditioned house with clean running water and no mosquitoes. Nobody lies under rubble across the street from me calling out for help, nor am I missing any relatives, nor have I waited all night for someone to tend to mine or my baby's wounds.

I've no doubt that God purposes something from this...but do I know just what the hell it is right now? No. I just do not get at all why this happened at all.